# 24 — FILLED BEFORE THE FAST

In just a few hours, we will be entering Lent, which happens to be my favorite liturgical season in the year. Before, I had never thought about having a “favorite” liturgical season like that, but recently – someone commented about my choice of worship music at the piano… and said, “Matthew just loves playing that song ‘Lead Me To The Cross’ because he’s just so… Lent. Yeah, he’s just so Lent.” (I hope our amazing music team over there got the memo, by the way. Anyway,) when I heard that, I had no deep reaction to it aside from thinking how my favorite music is usually slow, contemplative, and sometimes even chromatic and dark. But after a while, I began to think about different analogies of Lent in the context of time. So, for example, at a small scale, Lent is like a 12-hour fast before doing blood work for your annual physical exam. At a slightly larger scale, it is like waking up on Friday morning – knowing that you have a long day of work ahead but then a relaxing weekend afterwards. In this context now, it is a whole 40-day season of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving to prepare us for Easter, the Glorious Mysteries within it, and the promises of those Mysteries.

What I’d like to do now is to simply examine each of my weird, analogous descriptions, but I’ll also share my personal experiences with Lent – how it was during childhood, how it was during college, and how it’s going now. In my childhood, I remember very clearly the large amount of time I spent thinking about what I should sacrifice and give up. Nowadays, I’m grateful that I can think more deeply and, instead, contemplate what good I should add more to my life rather than merely thinking what I should give up, but – of course – as a child, I was not mature enough to explore that. Some years, I made “easy choices” of giving up chocolate or even all snacks in general, but I remember one Lenten season… I went crazy and gave up video games. And giving up video games was a pretty big deal for me at the time, so all I could do back then was just count how many days of Lent had gone by. I don’t remember if I did something else to occupy all the time that I otherwise would have spent smashing buttons in front of a large screen, but I certainly remember my initial feelings as soon as the 40th day arrived. I thought, “Finally, it’s been 40 days. And thank GOD that spring break is this upcoming week, so I can play Halo 3 a lot more!” So, of course, as a little boy I could hardly contain my excitement. I had to tell my parents that their son was able to suffer for those long 40 days but was able to manage and can now play video games. And they looked at me all confused and said, “Matthew, it’s only Palm Sunday. You have to wait until Easter next Sunday!” Then I said, “But I’ve been counting, and it’s been 40 days.” “No, Matthew…” they rebutted. “Were you counting Sundays too? Sundays aren’t technically part of the 40 days of Lent.” And then… you should have seen just how absolutely defeated I felt and looked in that moment. All I could think was, “I have to wait another seven days?! And this Holy Week thing or whatever just happens to be during spring break too. By the time I can play my games, it will already be the end of spring break. Great.” That was how I felt back then, but if there was anything I got out of that particular Lenten season, it was the fact that I simply had to obey my parents and the fact that Sundays aren’t part of the 40 days. Whatever. I swore never again to give up video games.

Fast forward to Lent in 2017, during my second year of college, and – somehow – I felt called to give up video games once more. Again, I was still young and couldn’t quite discern if it was the Holy Spirit inviting me to do something crazy like that, but I still went ahead and gave up gaming. Except, that time, I was no longer concerned with counting the 40 days of Lent, because – simply put – I was just so busy. I could easily replace video games with more frequent hangouts with my friends, more time playing piano in the practice rooms, more time studying for my classes, and simply spending more time outside. As the cool kids would say these days, I “went outside and touched grass.” Even though I didn’t outright ask myself how giving up video games would lead me closer to Jesus, that Lenten period at least bore an abundance of rich fruit – I became much more diligent in my academics, my time at the piano felt much more focused and intentional, my social skills developed greatly, and my health improved also. When Easter arrived that year, I felt… indifferent about video games suddenly becoming an option again. After all, I was already enjoying this “new lifestyle” – the real college experience. In fact, I remember one rare weekend with almost no homework to do, I launched this game called League of Legends, and when I had to log in to play, I unknowingly began to enter my username and password for Canvas, which is what my school used for all my classes. At that point, it truly hit me that my unhealthy addiction to video games was over.

Looking back at those two Lenten seasons, I’m realizing now that the Lord gifted me that opportunity to abstain from video games. The way that simple – yet, difficult – sacrifice definitely helped steer my life in the right direction… is like the parable of the growing seed. As it is said in the Holy Gospel according to Mark: “This is how it is with the kingdom of God; it is as if a man were to scatter seed on the land and would sleep and rise night and day and the seed would sprout and grow, he knows not how. Of its own accord the land yields fruit, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear. And when the grain is ripe, he wields the sickle at once, for the harvest has come.”

Now, those were my two Lenten seasons without video games. I didn’t even consider how that seemingly radical sacrifice would bring me closer to Jesus, but hey – at least I became healthier, more social, and more musically inclined. What an abundance of great fruit, but can you imagine how much more the Lord can give you if you were fully intentional with every aspect of Lent from now on? And I’m not just talking about sacrifices, either; I’m also talking about increased prayer and almsgiving. In fact, I would like to think that when Lent rolls around, the first thing that most people instinctively think about is, “What should I give up for Lent?” Yes, it is good to think about that, but I truly believe that is a passive way of growing spiritually. One could go a step further and instead ask, “What is something good and holy that I can incorporate into my life now and will consequently ‘kick out’ whatever bad thing I should sacrifice anyway?” Now that would be a much more proactive way of growing spiritually. For example, personally, one of my resolutions for this Lent is to pray the major hours of the Divine Office – also known as the Liturgy of the Hours – every day. I honestly am not sure what that would cause me to give up, but – at the very least – it would fill up time that I would otherwise spend sleeping in or scrolling away on my phone if I don’t pray the Liturgy of the Hours.

I could give up video games this time around and, honestly, it wouldn’t affect me much. In fact, I could give up a lot of other things – eating meat, dining out, watching soccer games, drinking coffee, scrolling through social media, and much more. Yes, all of those can help me, but I feel that something as simple as adding daily participation in the Divine Office would easily outweigh all of that other stuff to give up and would have a much more positive effect on my relationship with Jesus.

So, for Lent, we shouldn’t simply limit ourselves to thinking about what we should sacrifice. Rather, we should think about the simple and good things that we can add to our lives. As the great St. Thérèse of Lisieux championed the “little way” – doing ordinary things with extraordinary love – we too can also ponder the small additions to our spiritual journeys that would help us walk with Jesus in this upcoming season of Lent. We can also remind ourselves that the whole point is to prepare ourselves for Easter. Just as Easter feels so glorious following a liturgical season of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving, the Lenten period can feel much more purposeful and rich if we fill ourselves first. As Jesus was questioned regarding the subject of fasting, he answered them, “Can the wedding guests fast while the bridegroom is with them? As long as they have the bridegroom with them they cannot fast. But the days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast on that day.” And then Jesus goes on to say a bunch of parable-sounding stuff about shrunken cloth and old wineskins that is beyond my understanding, but hey – maybe I should consider adding Lectio Divina to my Lenten observance this year.

As the governor Nehemiah in the Old Testament said, “‘Today is holy to the Lord your God. Do not lament, do not weep!’—for all the people were weeping as they heard the words of the law. He continued: ‘Go, eat rich foods and drink sweet drinks, and allot portions to those who had nothing prepared; for today is holy to our Lord. Do not be saddened this day, for rejoicing in the Lord is your strength!’ Then all the people began to eat and drink, to distribute portions, and to celebrate with great joy, for they understood the words that had been explained to them.” When we feast tonight, let us truly partake in the gifts that God has given us, and we can take comfort in knowing that those gifts and much more will be waiting for us in the presence of the Glorious Mysteries in Easter, after the Sorrowful Mysteries of Lent are over.